In Islam, marriage is a sacred institution where both husband and wife have equally important but distinct roles and responsibilities, harmoniously contributing to the well-being of the family unit. The Quranic verse you mentioned, "الرِّجالُ قوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ" (Men are protectors and maintainers of women), indeed underscores the responsibility of men to provide for and protect their families. This includes providing sustenance and shelter and safeguarding the family's interests.^[1]

In the same vein, Islamic teachings highlight the significance of the woman's role within the household.^[2] Allah ﷻ has endowed women with unique qualities necessary for nurturing and raising children, which forms the cornerstone of a righteous and well-functioning society. This does not solely encompass household tasks like cooking and cleaning, but extends to the holistic upbringing of children, instilling within them the values and morals of Islam.

It is essential to acknowledge that these roles are not arbitrarily assigned by culture but are deeply rooted in Islamic principles. However, Islam also emphasizes mutual cooperation and support within marriage. While the primary responsibility of providing for the family rests on the husband, compassion and care for the wife should drive him to assist his wife in her responsibilities, as needed.

If circumstances, such as financial hardship, necessitate a deviation from traditional gender roles, Islam allows for flexibility to accommodate such situations. Still, such deviation is only permitted when the following conditions are met: (1) the husband consents to the wife working; (2) she is able to fulfill her household responsibilities despite work; and (3) she can do so while upholding Islamic principles of modesty. Generally, the work environment is not conducive for ḥayāʾ (modesty); not only is it difficult to uphold the proper parameters of ḥijāb, one is also forced to interact with the opposite gender excessively, often on a one-on-one basis. Therefore, a woman working should not become the norm, but it is a possibility that can be considered when extenuating circumstances demand it.^[3]

Each religion, culture, and society has underlying principles that form their worldview and ultimately determine their morals and behavior. The Western worldview underscores the importance of personal freedom as the ultimate virtue, which is called following one’s desires (ittibāʿ al-hawā) in Islamic terminology. On the other hand, our Islamic worldview, as represented in our declaration of faith (Lā ilāha illa Allāh, Muḥammad ar-Rasūlullāh), defines submission to Allah ﷻ as the chief value in our lives. We understand that Allah ﷻ created us, He d sustains us, and that after giving us life in this world as a test, He ﷻ will resurrect us on the Day of Judgment and judge whether we were successful in our obedience to Him. We understand that the favors of Allah ﷻ upon us are so many and so great that we are incapable of even counting them. Therefore, we submit ourselves to His commandments in gratitude and awe. And, out of His dinfinite mercy, He ﷻ has only commanded us to do that which is beneficial for ourselves in this world and the hereafter. Moreover, He ﷻ promises to reward us with Janna if we continue to try our best to obey Him, even though we will always remain imperfect.

The dominant society’s ideals and worldviews subconsciously affect individuals so much that they begin to judge their own religious and cultural practices through the lenses of this society's worldview. This creates the cognitive dissonance that so many Muslims in the West experience as they grapple with making sense of Islam’s rulings. However, the fault is not with Islam but rather with our own incapacity to be mindful of the influence that a foreign worldview is having upon us. The cure for this affliction is mindfulness.

One must remain vigilant that they do not blindly accept the worldview and cultural norms of non-Muslims that are destroying not only gender roles but gender itself. Although, at the surface level, everyone being “equal” in their roles and responsibilities may sound nice. At a practical level, the lack of hierarchy in any group creates unresolvable conflict and inevitably leads to it breaking apart. Islam, thus, creates equality of all people in terms of their worth and value in the sight of Allah ﷻ. Yet, it prescribes a hierarchy of authority and specified roles for each individual to facilitate smooth, harmonious function in this world. This fact is so important because a good structure brings about a good marriage, a good marriage brings about successful children, and successful children lead to a brighter and better society. Conversely, a bad marital structure dooms the entire society in a short time.

The practices of the West have, self-admittedly, destroyed their family units and the upbringing of their children. The New York Times published an article by Melissa S. Kearney stating,

Roughly a quarter of children live in a one-parent home, more than in any other country for which data is available. Despite a small rise in two-parent homes since 2012, the overall trend persists.

This is not a positive development. The evidence is overwhelming: Children from single-parent homes have more behavioral problems, are more likely to get in trouble in school or with the law, achieve lower levels of education and tend to earn lower incomes in adulthood. Boys from homes without dads present are particularly prone to getting in trouble in school or with the law…

We need to work more to understand why so many American parents are raising their children without a second parent in the home, and we must find effective ways to strengthen families in order to increase the share of children raised in healthy, stable two-parent homes. Doing so will improve the well-being of millions of children, help close class gaps and create a stronger society for us all. (The Explosive Rise of Single-Parent Families Is Not a Good Thing 2023)^[4]

Thus, we should not be hesitant to accept the divine wisdom in the commandments of Allah ﷻ. They will be a source of peace and goodness for us in both worlds. Our scrutiny should be reserved for the ways of the kuffār who are destroying their own lives in both worlds.

May Allah ﷻ grant us wisdom and guidance in fulfilling our roles in marriage and giving our children a righteous, Islamic upbringing, and bless our homes and marital unions with tranquility, love, and understanding. Āmīn.

And Allah knows best.

Ml. Siddiq Mohiuddin
Student, Darul Iftaa Chicago

Checked and Approved:

Mf. Abrar Mirza
Head Mufti, Darul Iftaa Chicago